Longanimity
by pirateofpenzance
Summary: Missing Year. Gloaty trouble-making Zelena, a lil bit of Outlaw Queen, Snow/ Regina bonding, drunk!Regina and other such shenanigans. Regina-centric.


Summary: Missing Year. Gloaty trouble-making Zelena, a lil bit of Outlaw Queen, Snow/ Regina bonding, drunk!Regina and other such shenanigans. Regina-centric.

Chapter 1 – To Sleep, Perchance to… not

I hadn't seen much missing year stuff recently, and I wanted a bit of fun. Here you go!

* * *

"Why isn't it working?"

"I don't know!"

"But you put the kid's heart back in. He should be fine. Regina, hey! He should be fine!"

Emma shoved at her, the former queen shuffling back on her knees, away from her son's body on the deck of the _Jolly Roger_ , in response. Regina looked around herself – Snow, her Charming prince, the pirate, all standing there in the cold sea breeze with disappointed and looks on their faces, as if accusing her of killing Henry herself.

Emma started compressions on Henry, desperately trying to fix something that could never be made right again.

She'd failed.

They'd all failed.

And now Henry was dead.

Laughter suddenly broke through the fog that had settled around her mind, an invisible force made her look up at a… green woman. In a garish witch's costume.

"Zelena?" said Regina.

"You sound surprised, sister dear. What, not expecting me to be on the Jolly Roger?" said Zelena, a little flourish of her hands accompanying her words.

Regina stared, dumbfounded initially, before quickly standing to put herself between the green bitch and her son.

"Stay away from him," she said, putting as much force as she could into her words, conjuring fire to stop her sister from advancing any closer.

"Stay away from who? No one else is on this clifftop but you and I," said Zelena, smiling genially.

"How did we… what's going on?" said Regina, suddenly remembering that she lived in the Enchanted Forest now. No pirate ships at the castle. No Henry, dead on a boat. He'd lived. Neverland had been… months ago. Then how did she get here?

"You're dreaming dear. Or, more aptly, having a nightmare. Better be careful not to fall off the cliff though. It's a metaphor!"

"For what?"

"The edge of the bed!"

* * *

Regina Mills had been many things in her life. The daughter of a once-prince, wife of a king, queen of a kingdom, and mayor of a town that was just the right size.

All positions required her to be proud, powerful, and dignified.

There was nothing dignified about waking from a nightmare and falling face-first onto the floor, which is exactly what Regina did.

She hit the floor with a solid bang, cracking her head on the cold stone, the rest of her body and some of her blanket falling straight after, creating an undignified and uncomfortable pile, her neck taking far more weight than it really should.

"Shit," Regina ground out, forcing her arms to be useful and struggling dazedly to move into a slightly more comfortable position, shifting her lower body away from her head and flattening out as best she could. She huffed, realising that she wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep until she'd made her bed and… yes, gone to the toilet.

Regina moved her weight onto one arm, moving her chest off the floor slightly, and brought her other hand to her face to prod around and search for any injuries sustained from her fall. Aside from slight tenderness, however, nothing seemed to be seriously wrong. Perhaps she'd fallen more slowly than she'd initially realised.

She began rolling around and kicking at the blankets slowly and sluggishly until her legs were disentangled enough for her to stand (though this exercise was somewhat undignified, anything that required more force was far more effort than Regina was willing to put into the situation), and set about the task of remaking her bed.

She began to stretch the blanket back over one side of her oversized mattress, before realising that magic would work just as well. Planting her feet firmly on the ground, raised her hands gently from her sides, completing a well-practiced gesture. She thought about the pillows and sheets moving gently back onto the bed into their correct spots. They began to float gently, sheets flowing, and pillows puffing along like clouds.

She was interrupted by a few things happening at once.

Or, at least, in quick succession.

First, her bedroom doors slammed open, crashing against the walls they were attached to.

Then, her curtains flung open rapidly, a direct result of the doors opening, as the curtains were, unfortunately, connected by magic to her door (a spell she now immensely regretted, and would be getting rid of as soon as possible). Daylight streamed in immediately.

And finally, a pillow exploded (which was entirely her fault, she'd admit – magic got unpredictable when the caster got distracted).

All of this meant that Regina was sun-blinded, covered in feathers, and angry beyond belief. And totally ready to rip whomever it was that dared enter her chambers at this ungodly hour into tiny little pieces.

"Good morning!"

Snow. Ugh. Regina shoved the desire to kill back into its little box.

"It's a new day, Regina, and we've got so many people to talk to!" continued her co-Queen, who was now striding confidently over towards Regina's wardrobe, apparently completely unperturbed by the situation she'd walked in on.

"Snow…" started Regina, wiping some of the feathers off of her face, and then her nightgown. Who knew that a pillow could have so many feathers in it?

"Yes, Regina?" said Snow brightly, now carrying one of Regina's dresses over, laying it out on the bed, as if pink was a colour that the older woman would ever be interested in. How did that thing even get in there, anyway?

"What are you doing in here?" she finished, pulling herself up to her full height, which actually turned out to be shorter than her intruder. Huh. There was a reason to never be without her shoes when she had company.

"It's past lunchtime Regina, and we've got to start listening to the people soon! It's petition day, I hope you're excited!" said Snow, walking over to Regina and clasping both of her hands around one of Regina's and smiling enthusiastically.

Oh no. Regina was most certainly not excited for petition day. In fact, she wasn't sure why she agreed to be part of petition day. It was a stupid idea. And besides, it couldn't be mid-afternoon. However, a quick glance out the window told her it definitely was. Huh. She had great curtains.

Regina smiled as sarcastically as she could (which was pretty damn sarcastic), "Oh yes! Of course I'm excited! I love the people!" she said, lacing her words with insincerity. Apparently, that didn't deter Snow, who started to list the things she loved about petitioning.

There was a reason Regina had banned the damned things while she'd been Queen. It was an occasion that was designed for villagers who had legitimate concerns to voice them directly to their ruler. The point was that if someone's house had burned down, or the local lord wasn't treating everyone well, then they could ask the Queen for what they needed. The only problem was that peasants never knew what they needed, and always asked for stupid things.

Well, that wasn't the only problem. They would also bring gifts "for her table", such as entire pigs, and treated leather. Things that she didn't want, or need, and things they couldn't afford to give away. The whole day was ruinous for her economy, so she'd banned it.

Of course Snow had thought bringing it back would be a good idea.

"… and it's a great opportunity to reconnect with the common man! It'll be good for all of us," said Snow, of course meaning that it would be very good for Regina, as if she was some 7-year-old with anger management issues who was having trouble making friends.

"Alright Snow, how about this: I will get dressed and be down in the hall in 15 minutes, if you stop talking and leave me alone," said Regina, moving her hands to grasp Snow's shoulders lightly, trying to be a little friendly. Though her exhausted expression and feather-covered hair might have ruined that image somewhat.

Her former step-daughter responded with a bright smile, nodding her head. For a second, it looked as though Snow might go in for a hug, but seemed to decide against it. She stepped back, out of Regina's grasp, gave a double thumbs-up, and left Regina to get dressed.

"I'll be waiting outside!" said Snow as she exited gracefully but quickly.

Oh, how terrible it was to be friends with a nice person.

* * *

The walk down to the throne room seemed never-ending. Once Regina had managed to get Snow to talk about something reasonable for about 5 seconds before the younger woman launched into a story about something absolutely idiotic. Probably. Regina had only just tuned back in.

"… and then, the unicorn said "I can't believe it's not butter!" which is quite funny considering unicorns can't speak, and-"

"Is there a point to this story, Snow?" interrupted Regina, having grown tired of the ramblings she was being forced to listen to.

"Well, originally, I asked how you were, and you didn't respond, so I thought I'd just continue speaking until…" she trailed off, her making a sweeping motion, as if that explained her entire point.

"Until?" said Regina, her brainpower not nearly good enough at this time of the morning (afternoon?) to deal with deciphering any kind of human interaction, especially considering her lack of sleep. Probable lack of sleep. She might have slept for 16 hours straight. Actually, she probably had. Having such dark curtains was both a blessing and a curse.

"Well, until you responded, really. Conversations are boring when only one person is speaking," said Snow, looping her arm through Regina's as they approached the throne room.

"You're holding my arm," said Regina pointedly, making no effort to remove it from Snow's grasp.

"You love it," replied the princess-turned-queen as they strode side-by-side to the three thrones that stood at the head of the massive room. As soon as it had been decided that Snow, David, and Regina would be ruling as somewhat-equals, the throne that had previously adorned the formal reception area of the castle was removed. Apparently Regina's massive, black, somewhat incredibly spiky chair was too intimidating for the Charming duo. In its place rested three thrones of equal size, each carved out of a few solid pieces of light-coloured wood. Beautiful tapestries had been added to the walls at Snow's suggestion, as were extra windows. Now the room seemed light and airy. It did a terrible job of facilitating the festering of Regina's darker moods. She had half a mind to sneak in here one night and re-paint everything in the room black. Snow hadn't seemed to mind the colour scheme when she was young.

As they took their places next to David (Snow in the middle, as it seemed fairest to everyone and David didn't want to be next to Regina, ever), a herald called the hall to order. Time for the requests and ridiculous gifts to begin. And time for Regina to stare out one of the new windows and try and count how many birds she could see that day. Last time she'd been forced to sit in this chair for hours, she saw 6. It was great. She was pretty sure one of them had been an eagle.

The afternoon dragged on, and Regina saw 5 birds, which was sort of exciting in the same kind of way that watching grass grow was exciting. She occasionally offered a nod or some eye contact, but that stopped once one of the more skittish peasants wet himself.

A nudge to her side and Snow's voice shook Regina out of her (somewhat embarrassing) reverie. "Hmm what?" said Regina, straightening herself up and looking to Snow, acting as though she had been thinking about whatever it was that Snow wanted her to be interested in.

Snow smiled somewhat maliciously (it still came out cloyingly happy), and said "Mr Kaplan here wants to know if you support his proposal. Charming and myself have said yes. It is a wonderful idea, don't you think so?"

Regina took a deep breath and settled back into her chair. Looking over to Mr Kaplan appraisingly, she schooled her features so it looks as though she's thinking very carefully. Snow had been nice enough to provide Regina with all the information she needed to make her decision – the information being that the Charmings thought it was a wonderful idea. And if they thought it was wonderful, then it had to be harmless.

"Yes!" said Regina enthusiastically, smiling her nicest smile, shocking Mr Kaplan slightly. Great, another peasant who needed a change of pants. What was his name here? Adrian? Edgar? Yes, Edgar, probably. No wonder he wanted to keep his Storybrooke name. "I think it's a wonderful idea. You should be commended for your ingenuity Mr Kaplan," she finished. That was a bit over the top. Regina chanced a glance to Snow to find that yes, her enthusiasm was somewhat unwarranted. Though perhaps not unwanted, going by the excited (and somewhat devious) grin that crossed Snow's face in response.

"Well, I'm glad you're so enthused, Regina!" said Snow, smile still plastered across her face, "Mr Kaplan, Queen Regina would be delighted to take a tour of your town!"

"Wonderful, your majesties. I thank you kindly for your approval. I await your visit," said Kaplan, bowing his head and his body, more than once, as he left the hall.

"Next!" called the herald, and a somewhat emaciated woman stepped up in place.

"Snow," whispered Regina through pursed lips, trying to get her co-queen's attention. She'd just agreed to something and she had no idea what it was. Hopefully it wouldn't be too annoying. Snow hadn't responded. Slightly louder then. "Snow!" she said, pairing it with a poke to the ribs, "What are we touring?"

"Regina! Were you not listening?" said Snow, who had, by now, put on her 'admonishing a small child' voice.

Regina scoffed slightly, turning back to face the current petitioner, who was now crying a bit. A quick look over at Charming let her know that the story the woman was telling was overly intense and making things incredibly awkward for him. Ha. Good. Regina slouched back into her chair as petulantly as her corset would allow. "Whatever, Snow," she huffed, still not used to the backbone that the woman had been re-gifted with the breaking of the curse.

The silence between the two was broken by Snow, who placed her hand on Regina's forearm and gave it a squeeze. "I'll tell you later, don't worry, it's not that bad."

Regina settled in for the long haul, half-listening to the peasant's sad tale of her farm not yielding the best crop it could have, simultaneously counting the number of flagstones on the floor.

Until Snow broke her sympathetic silence, "I understand your concerns completely, Marie, and we will take them into consideration when allocating supplies this autumn," she said, and the woman laughed a happy noise in response, a dramatic half-sob garbling her thanks as a guard quickly ushered her away. At last.

The herald stepped forward then, "Is there any further business?" and waited a beat.

No one came immediately forward. Regina breathed a sigh of relief, and began mentally readying herself to stand, wave politely to the few brave enough to lock eyes with her, and go back to her rooms, when a very small voice attached to a very small body called out.

"I do!" said the voice, and the body it belonged to, one Roland, son of Robin, scurried out from behind the bodies of the many adults that occupied the area to a whisper-shouted cry of "ROLAND!" from behind. In his hands he carried something red and shiny, and the little boy quickly made his way past the designated area for the petitioners, and up the short flight of stairs to the thrones where the rulers three were seated.

The herald tried to grab at the boy, stop him from getting too close to the Queens and King, but he backed down at a brief wave from David. Roland's route of ascension had led him to Snow's feet, and he looked up at her through his head of somewhat-tamed curls, a toothy grin defining his features.

"Good afternoon, Roland," said Snow as she leant forward slightly, her small baby bump only impeding her intentions slightly.

"Good afternoon, Miss Queen Snow," said Roland politely, shoving the red thing (which might have been an apple) in his pocket and taking a step closer to her seat. He seemed to think carefully about his next actions, before he stepped on the footstool at Snow's feet and scrambled into her lap (with only a little help from David).

Another whispered shout of "Roland!" accompanied Roland's actions, and Regina looked up to see the thief standing a polite distance away and being pointedly ignored by his adorable child. Ha. "And what is your business, Roland?" asked Regina, as she turned herself towards him, willing to do anything that would both humour the child and embarrass Robin to no end.

"Hi Regina!" said Roland, twisting in Snow's lap so his feet ended up on the seat beside her legs. Regina looked up at her former step daughter, to see if she was at all uncomfortable with the arrangements, but if her starry-eyed expression of wonder was anything to go by, she was just fine. "I have a pet-shun, is that ok?" he asked, putting his dimples and scrunchy nose to good use.

"A petition, Roland? Of course, what is it that you would like?" said the queen in reply, absolutely ready to indulge him.

"More sweets at dinner, please," he said in reply, a long-suffering groan coming from his father nearby.

"Ah," replied Regina, straightening up a notch, not ready to get involved in the parenting of another sweet little brown-haired boy, "That is up to your father, Roland, not to me," her ruling-of-sorts greeted with a sad pout from the boy and a relieved sigh from his father.

"Wait!" Roland called suddenly, "an apple for your table, Majesty," at which point he reached into his pocket, withdrew the shiny red apple, and dropped it into her hands, as if this would somehow change her mind. She'd recognise that type of apple anywhere. It was from her tree. It was also somewhat half-eaten. So, half an apple. Regina had to stop herself from making some undignified cooing sound at the gesture, an impulse that Snow had apparently embraced if her little "Awwww!" was anything to go by.

"What a lovely apple!" said Regina, maintaining eye contact with the boy. A turn of her head was all it took to include the outlaw in their conversation, the man in question having now made his way to the bottom of the short flight of stairs. "I wonder where I might have seen one like it before?" a raised eyebrow accompanied the end of her sentence, mild accusation set.

"Well, erm, Milady," began Robin, inching his way up the stairs and closer to Roland, as if getting close enough would allow him to snatch the boy away and put an end to this entire situation.

"There's an apple tree outside!" said Roland excitedly, all the attention back on him, "Papa says they're special apples and that I could only have ONE, but I wanted to do a pet-shun today, so I just tried a little bit because I knew that I needed a present for you!" he finished, another cooing noise making its way past Snow's lips as she delighted in the whole thing.

It was time to have some fun. The thief was close enough now to hear anything they said. Good. "Ah, well," began Regina, "you see Roland, this apple," she held the apple aloft, causing Roland's eyes to lock onto it as if it held the secrets of the universe, "is magical," she continued, glancing towards Robin, just to check that he was listening. He actually looked a bit concerned, an expression that she simultaneously found hilarious and somewhat annoying. As if she'd ever put a child in danger.

"What kind of magic?" said Roland, his voice full of wonder.

"The kind that makes it so that you have to eat extra vegetables for a week!" said Regina, lowering her voice to an excited whisper, her eyes twinkling with mirthful glee.

Roland's mouth dropped open, and he immediately looked to his father for confirmation before turning back to the Queen in horror. "But I ate the apple!" he cried, no doubt now completely focussed on extra vegetables, for an almost unfathomably long time. "Papa, I don't want to eat vegetables!" he wailed, launching himself off Snow's lap (somehow managing not to hit anything vital in the process) and into the arms of his father, a fully blown tantrum in the works.

Robin skilfully caught his son and stared daggers at Regina, mouthing "Thank you" at her in the most sarcastic fashion possible. Regina responded with a nod and an equally silent "You're welcome" before standing to address the herald.

"Are we done, Peter?" she said, noting how Robin was walking Roland back to the gathered Merry Men to be reassured. She did feel a little bad, she supposed, but it was all in good fun. She thought. Perhaps an apology was in order?

"ALL RISE!" shouted the herald, acquiescing to the queen's desire to exit, and so the Charmings stood as well, and the three made their way out into the hall.

Regina was planning on spending the rest of her afternoon getting back into her pyjamas and contemplating the unfairness of her existence, when David interrupted her thoughts.

"Great job traumatising a child today Regina, so glad to have you on the team," he said sarcastically, having broken away from Snow and caught up to Regina specifically to berate her, apparently. Maybe she was the only person in the castle willing to rise to his challenges and he was bored. Whatever, it wasn't happening today.

"Fuck off, David. I'm tired," she said, continuing to sweep down the halls at a fast rate. "At least the person I talked to brought me an apple. What did the others bring you? Plague?" she said, and this time she stopped suddenly to face him, just to punctuate her point. It totally worked, he had to screech to a halt and pinwheel his arms just a little to avoid hitting her. This was fun.

He mock-gasped in response. Damn. He was having fun too. "Such language Regina!" he said, hand over heart.

"Bite me, Charming," she replied, narrowing her eyes and taking a half-step closer to him, forcing him to take half a step back himself. She cackled internally.

"Stop it, you two," said Snow, who had finally managed to catch up to the two of them (mainly because they'd stopped long enough for her to do so), "I need to speak with you Regina, if you don't mind finishing up your little argument?" she continued, raising an eyebrow admonishingly. Snow got a nod of the head from Regina in return. "Mr Kaplan needs someone to go to his town and look at his pipes. Would you like to do it?" she asked, acting as though her question wasn't ridiculous.

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Regina, "Is this a sex thing? Is pipes a euphemism?" she said, frowning disapprovingly. Who was Mr Kaplan again?

"It's indoor plumbing, Regina. He was a plumber in Storybrooke and he thinks that he's figured out how to make ceramic pipes. That's all," said Snow, sounding somewhat exasperated. Understandably so, Regina supposed.

"That's good news, then," said Regina in reply, "but what was the part about the tour?"

"He needs someone to go to his town and see the pipes before he'll install them here. Just as a bit of a formality, I think," said Snow, "I think the trip would be a great opportunity for you to get some fresh air, see a bit of the countryside, and reconnect with the people!" she finished, as if she'd just presented one of the Snow's Great Ideas™. There was a beat of silence before Regina responded. "I'm going to my chambers," she sighed, doing her best to dramatically sweep her skirts as she turned away from the conversation, hoping to quell any of Snow's urges to continue making speeches.

"But you just got up!" said Snow in reply, now somewhat indignant.

"I've developed a headache," said Regina lazily as she strolled down the hall, having neither the energy, nor the will, to go any faster. All that social interaction with a 5-year-old had taken it out of her.

"Will you go to the plumber's town?" called Snow after her.

"Yes!" said Regina, and the sound of Snow and David's retreating steps was the best indication yet that she'd finally be left alone.

* * *

So that's the end of chapter 1! Just trying to get back into the groove of things at the moment, so please let me know what you thought, or what your favourite line was or whatever~

I hope you liked it!


End file.
